Wake Up!

Since becoming a full-time stay at home mom, I find myself, or should I say new self, wondering what happened to the old me. Not the bad me that got into trouble or the crazy one that lived like there was no tomorrow, but just me. I am running here, cleaning this, washing, folding and putting away clothes. I mean I love my life, but I feel it is time to get back to something for me... I really enjoy making these shadow boxes for keepsakes, and the feather boa wreaths for baby showers, as well as diaper cakes, and tons of other baby stuff. I loved the hand painted letters I did for Kenzie's room. I really, really, really, want to do more of that stuff and try to sell it. But where do you start, and what do you do with all the laundry when it piles up while you work on orders. I have decided to take some pics of all my things I have made over the last few years and make business card which several resale store said I could put in their windows, and I could always advertise on Craig's list, or EBay and Etsy, but it just seems so hard to get started. I am such a procrastinator, I guess I always have been. Anyway I did sell our old king size mattress today, and hopefully a pair or 2 of shoes on Craig's list. I just really need to find a little bit of time to do some thing for myself, I just feel guilty every time, I am away from my kids. I know I have a huge fear of being away from them because of the way Mary died, and I am trying to work through that, but I guess it will just take time...Maybe her dying also took a lot of myself with her and it has been hard to get it back, I feel so scared all the time about silly stuff, that in the past I would have never thought twice about. I still miss her everyday, and I was so grateful I got to spend time with Mom, Bill, and Budd this past weekend we had a blast & it was the first time he really didn't want to leave, he wanted to stay here and it was very hard to watch them leave.